So, you want to talk to someone…?

I am often asked “what’s the best therapy to treat depression or anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder – CBT, DBT, EMDR, ACT?” Don’t get me wrong these disorders do have “gold-standard” treatment approaches (and these therapies should be used), but I think the question should change to “How do I pick the right therapist?” 

Study after study has shown that the therapeutic relationship (i.e., the relationship you have with your therapist) is the strongest predictor for good outcomes in therapy. 

Why? 

Seeing a psychologist isn’t like other relationships you have with your other health professionals. It’s deeply personal. It involves talking about hard things, being willing to be vulnerable and cry, and reflect on your own behaviours and shortcomings. It challenges you to look inwards and identify what’s not working within your life. You don’t want to be doing this with just anyone, right? You want to be doing this with someone you trust, who listens to you, who challenges you (appropriately), and who just “gets” you. 

Finding a psychologist is a bit like dating – you may need to see a few before you find the “right” fit. I get it – that’s frustrating, time consuming and expensive. But you are worth finding someone who is willing to take the time to know you and understand you. 

Let’s also be realistic – this can take time. It’s hard to build any sort of relationship within a 50-minute window, so I encourage you to be patient with yourself and your therapist in the “getting to know you” phase. But if you’re not gelling or you feel that they don’t understand or “get” you, be confident in finding another one – that’s your right! 

And… to other therapists – don’t expect everyone like to you. It’s impossible for you to be the right fit for everyone who walks through your door. I know that’s hard (I struggle with this concept myself), but just as in the “real world” you won’t gel with everyone, and that’s ok. Note to self: not everyone will like you, and that’s ok, that’s human nature. 

1. You trust them 

2. They listen to you / you feel seen and heard 

3. You share similar goals regarding the direction of therapy

4. They challenge you (appropriately) 

Know all of the theories, master all of the techniques, but as you touch a human soul be just another human soul.